I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
