Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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