you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize