the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
