It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
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I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
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Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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