i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
