grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
