Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
