Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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