I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
