he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
