I accidentally had phone sex last night
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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