Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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