So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
