To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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