We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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