I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Two words: blizzard sex
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
