I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
