I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize