I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
