Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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