Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
