you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
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Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
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I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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