in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Green mimosas i think yes
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
