If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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