It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
