Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
