saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
we're making bets on your personal life
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
