I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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