i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
