Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My hand turned me down
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
