I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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