and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
