The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
