Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
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I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
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And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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