i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
