i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
