dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
