I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
