if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
