Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
