how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
