I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
