what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
