I only kidnapped one of them. chill
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
