Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
