Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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