He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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