He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
