i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
