Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Four minutes until I can fart!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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