Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
