I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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