Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
two words: eviction party
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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