I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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