are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
