Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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