I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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