I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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