"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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