Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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