Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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