I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You may now shotgun with the bride
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
