Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
