Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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