I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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