You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i drank out of a bidet.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
And then my night got REAL pukey
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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