NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
